The psychoanalyst Carl Jung hypothesized that we are all born with an unconscious, which is filled with various “archetypes.” These archetypes guide our brain as to what certain ideal behaviors feel like and how they appear. These archetypes act as a guiding compass on our journey to self-actualization. Mirroring Kabbalistic theories, Carl Jung believed that the archetypes of the ideal soulmate are embedded deep within our psyche.
We can think of these archetypes as spiritual genes that humanity shares and has the capacity to modify. Just like the science of epigenetics, where certain genes can be turned on and off by various environmental factors, these archetypes are also influenced by our environment — impressions of our parents, culture, country of birth etc.
We basically project into another person an archetype that exists within our psyche...
Jung referred to the masculine archetype as animus and the feminine archetype as anima. Meeting someone who is aligned with our anima or animus causes us to fall in love.
Even if the person is not our real soulmate, they remind us of our soulmate archetype. We basically project onto another person an archetype that exists within our psyche, and when we discover that s/he is not our soulmate we fall out of love.
In the Bible we are introduced to a love triangle between Rachel, Leah and Jacob. Rachel and Leah were two sisters who were married to the same man, Jacob. They sought and fought for his affection and the privilege of bearing his children. While they are represented as two women, we can view them as the archetypal individual struggling to act as a wife or a lover.
Leah (lover) and Rachel (mother) represent two archetypes that exist within women nowadays, each filling a unique role that could not be filled by the other. The conflict arises when a woman is negating one archetype. The solution lies in merging these two archetypes with the intention to rise to the level of the Divine Feminine.
So here’s how you can merge the two archetypes:
Ask yourself — am I engaging wholeheartedly in my relationship with my partner? Am I able to be a mother and lover simultaneously?
Cultivate the lover archetype —
- Make sure to embody the lover archetype by engaging in playfulness and uninhibited sensuality with your partner. Pay attention to how you feel without dwelling on those emotions. Look at yourself naked in the mirror and repeat: “I am the high priestess in the temple of my own being. I’m a loving, sensual woman of valor.”
- Practice self-love — love yourself fully just as you are so that you can fully open yourself in an authentic way to your partner. Make it a habit to communicate with the Goddess: “Divine Goddess of Love, teach me how to love myself unconditionally.”
- Identify the shadow aspects of the lover: constant need for validation; guilt; making endless demands and ultimatums; emotional manipulation. When the shadow lover shows up, thank her: “Thank you for showing up. I know you feel disempowered and you forget how amazing you are. You’re our love. You deserve to be loved.” Continue to speak to her until you feel relief.
Cultivate the mother archetype —
- Connect with the Divine Mother, who is all-nurturing and loving. Even if you feel that you have the best mother ever, she still acted from her own love of consciousness and perhaps was not able to love unconditionally. When connecting with the Divine Mother you can become lovingly assertive, compassionate, with the the ability to set healthy boundaries. The Divine Mother helps you to be heart centered in your relationship without unnecessary enmeshment.
- Identify the shadow aspects of the mother — inability to take care of yourself as you tend place other’s needs beyond yours, desire to control your children and deny them their individuality, engaging in manipulation and guilt, over giving only to feel resentful afterwards. Use the following prayer: “Divine Mother, help me to love myself and others unconditionally. Help me to turn all my relationships into a reflection of your love.”
Merge the two archetypes:
- Set time to fully enjoy your partner, just the two of you. Go on date night and mini vacation without the kids.
- Engage in activities that affirm each archetype. Celebrate both while knowing that you are more than a mother or a lover. You’re a spiritual being who has a life mission that is beyond any archetype.
- Ask your partner to help you create balance — when you tend to go astray ask your partner to bring you back. As simple as: “honey, you are mainly focusing on motherhood. I’m inviting you to come back to me.” Or the opposite.
- Stay away from mothering your partner! If you turned into a mother to your partner instead of the intimate partner you once were, it’s time to have a talk. The good news is that you don’t have to accept this reality as is. Seek help so you can get back to being equal partners again. Consider setting a couple coaching with me.