Is it easy for you to merge the mother and lover archetypes? In other words, are you able to be a mother and lover simultaneously?
The psychoanalyst Carl Jung hypothesized that we are all born with an unconscious that holds various “archetypes.” These archetypes guide our brain as to what certain ideal behaviors feel like and how they appear. These archetypes act as a guiding compass on our journey to self-actualization. Mirroring Kabbalistic theories, Carl Jung believed that the archetypes of the ideal soulmate are embedded deep within our psyche.
We can think of these archetypes as spiritual genes that humanity shares and has the capacity to modify. Just like the science of epigenetics, where certain genes can be turned on and off by various environmental factors, these archetypes are also influenced by our environment — impressions of our parents, culture, country of birth etc.
How We Project Archetypes Onto the Ones We Love
Jung referred to the masculine archetype as animus and the feminine archetype as anima. Meeting someone who aligns with our anima or animus causes us to fall in love.
Even if the person is not our real soulmate, they remind us of our soulmate archetype. We project onto another person an archetype that exists within our psyche, and when we discover that s/he is not our soulmate, we fall out of love.
In the Bible we are introduced to a love triangle between Rachel, Leah and Jacob. Rachel and Leah were two sisters, both married to the same man, Jacob. They sought and fought for his affection and the privilege of bearing his children. While the story represents them as two women, we can view them as the archetypal individual struggling to act as a wife or a lover.
Leah (lover) and Rachel (mother) represent two archetypes that exist within women nowadays, each filling a unique role the other couldn’t fill. The conflict arises when a woman negates one archetype. The solution lies in merging these two archetypes with the intention to rise to the level of the Divine Feminine.
How to Merge the Mother and Lover Archetypes
Ask yourself — am I engaging wholeheartedly in my relationship with my partner? Am I able to be a mother and lover simultaneously?
Cultivate the Lover Archetype
- Make sure to embody the lover archetype by engaging in playfulness and uninhibited sensuality with your partner. Pay attention to how you feel without dwelling on those emotions. Look at yourself naked in the mirror and repeat: “I am the high priestess in the temple of my own being. I’m a loving, sensual woman of valor.”
- Practice self-love — love yourself fully, just as you are, so that you can fully open yourself in an authentic way to your partner. Make it a habit to communicate with the Goddess: “Divine Goddess of Love, teach me how to love myself unconditionally.”
- Identify the shadow aspects of the lover: constant need for validation; guilt; making endless demands and ultimatums; emotional manipulation. When the shadow lover shows up, thank her: “Thank you for showing up. I know you feel disempowered and you forget how amazing you are. You’re our love. You deserve to be loved.” Continue to speak to her until you feel relief.
Merge the Two Archetypes
- Set time to fully enjoy your partner, just the two of you. Go on a date night or a mini vacation without the kids.
- Engage in activities that affirm each archetype. Celebrate both while knowing that you are more than a mother or a lover. You’re a spiritual being with a life mission beyond any archetype.
- Ask your partner to help you create balance — when you tend to go astray, ask your partner to bring you back. As simple as: “Honey, you’re mainly focusing on motherhood. I’m inviting you to come back to me.” Or the opposite.
- Stay away from mothering your partner! If you’ve turned into a mother to your partner instead of the intimate partner you once were, it’s time to have a talk. The good news is that you don’t have to accept this reality as is. Seek help so you can get back to being equal partners again. Consider setting up a couples coaching session with me.
- Embrace your femininity by allowing vulnerability. There is immense power in vulnerability. Although it requires us to abandon control, which may be scary, vulnerability allows us to have deeper and more meaningful connections with others. When we are willing to step into vulnerability, we are actively inviting people into our internal lives.
To learn about other archetypes of the feminine.
