Experiencing some self-doubt in your relationship is normal. It becomes problematic when it starts distorting your view of yourself and your partner — when you begin believing you are not good enough, or that you don’t deserve to be loved.
According to Kabbalah, there are two types of doubt: “doubt for the sake of doubt” and “holy doubt.” The latter represents an inquiry and questioning that can lead us towards growth in our life and relationships. “Doubt for the sake of doubt” takes us further away from growth as it perpetuates the negative mind.
King Solomon tells us in the book of Proverbs, “The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.” In other words, believing everything is foolishness; wisdom indicates that we submit everything to intelligent inquiry before committing ourselves.
Leaving Doubt Behind and Choosing Healing
In the Biblical love triangle between Jacob and his two wives, Rachel and Leah, Rachel believes in Jacob’s love without a shadow of a doubt. She was the one whom Jacob desired. Her sister Leah spent most of her time doubting her husband’s love, to a point that it was destructive to her own evolution.
Leah became a victim, unable to grow, until she chose “holy doubt” and directed her questions to God as an expression of authentic inquiry. This allowed her to replace uncertainty and confusion with newfound strength and resolution. She left the debilitating doubt behind and chose healing instead.
The universe assigns all of our relationships with the intention of helping us evolve and grow. Each relationship has its own spiritual contract. Once the relationship has fulfilled its purpose, and cultivated the necessary change in your destiny, it may fade away or change form. An example of a soul contract may include a partner that activates your self-doubt, but only to help you resolve it.
3 Steps to Heal Self Doubt in Your Relationship
Are you ready to heal your self-doubt? If so, here are 3 steps you can start taking now:
- Ask yourself: is what I’m experiencing a “holy doubt” or “doubt for the sake of doubt”? Basically, doubt your doubt — are your doubts representing fears that are presenting themselves as actual opinions? Your doubts only have power over you if you mistakenly believe they’re real.
- Create space between you and your doubt by meditating using a mantra — when engaging with a negative thought, it’s important to replace it with a positive one. A mantra changes your mind’s projection by using the same words in a repetitive way. Not only will it calm you down, it will prevent the thought from taking center stage.
- Identify the root core wound. Self-doubt in relationships rarely originates in the relationship itself. It begins much earlier. Ask yourself: When did I first feel I was not enough? When did I first believe I was unworthy of love? Often this wound traces back to childhood — a parent who was emotionally unavailable, a moment of rejection, or a pattern of conditional love. When we identify the root, we can begin to heal it rather than simply manage its symptoms. Journaling, meditation, and working with a guide or therapist can all help you trace and release the original wound so it no longer runs your relationships. To learn more about healing your core wounds, Explore My Online Courses.
